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Wuffie v.s. Mr. Wuff
Notes: This is written because Marie (that would be me) has, on occasion, stumbled upon these really silly little things online that pits two people against each other. I don't know if there are any set rules in making a "so and so vs so and so" thing... I just wrote. ^_^
Why: Mr. Worf and Wufei kinda remind me of each other in some demented little way. (Mr. Worf, for those of you who don't know, is from Star Trek: The Next Generation and Star Trek: DS9.) I was wondering what would happen if the two warriors went head to head... then realized that I had wrote myself into a corner and had to divinely intervene. (you'll see... ^_~)
Materials involved: I plopped a good old arena down with a sand base, and stands lining it so that people can watch. The arena is located up in space somewhere, where there aren't many people and/or colonies about.
<<Pre-Fight: Someone tipped off Wufei that Mr.Worf works for OZ. Nobody tipped off Mr.Worf about anything... he just kinda showed up in the middle of the battle arena. Speculation was was that an entity named Q was involved. ^_^>>
Lwaxana Troi waves from one end of the stands. She is sitting next to Mr. Homme and a rather embarrassed daughter. "Mr. WUFF! OhhhHHHHoo Mr. WUUUUFFFFF!!!" She calls, standing up and waving.
Worf turns and stares at the stands. A horrified look crosses the Klingon's face for a half a second before he turns his attention back to the situation at hand. He is presently being confronted by what appears to him to be a little boy who has his hair pulled back in a pony tail.
"It is dishonorable to fight one such as you." He tries to logically explain to Wufei, who presently has him at sword point. "You are young and the rage of battle burns within you, but I will not... *continues with random Klingon babble.*"
"Don't tell me about *honor*," the young boy is seething. "It is Justice I seek. My wife died at the hand of OZ, and I will bring you all to Justice!" He lunges at Mr. Worf.
Worf sidesteps his blow, beginning to look just a little bit frustrated. "I have to lost my wife as well in the heat of battle!" He bellows. He pauses and thinks about that for a moment. "Actually I lost several... and they all died Honorably!!" he declares.
Wufei does not look impressed. "Fight me, OZ!!" he shouts. "Show me your "Justice!""
Worf produces a batalith out of *nowhere*. (Nowhere being the same place Heero hides his gun?? ^_^) "I will show you Honor!!"
"Today is a good day to die!" Wufei shouts back.
There is a long pause.
"That's my line!" Worf complains gruffly. There is a quick flurry of motions as everyone consults scripts, William Shakespeare, etc. And then the battle continues.
It actually looks like the battalith is loosing to Wufei's sword... until something distracts him from the stands. It is a chorus of American fangirls, led by a cheering Duo Maxwell, chanting "Wuffie, Wuffie, Wuffie!!"
Wufei's jaw drops. "Maxwell what do you think you're doing???!" He spits. "My name is WU-FEI..."
Duo ignores him, instead choosing to whistle suggestively at him and wink. Now Wufei is speechless *and* sputtering.
At the same time Worf (quite dishonorably ^_^) disarms the distracted boy. Wufei goes down as the battalith cuts under his leg, sword flying from his hand as he hits the dirt butt first. Mr.Worf glowers down at the boy. "You fought well." He offers finally, holding out a hand.
Wufei stares at him. "Never... masaka." He mutters. "Masaka... kisama!!!" Wufei screams some random Japanese curse words (even though he himself is Chinese), and leaps to his feet without any help from Mr.Worf. "I am weak!" he cries. "I am weak... NATAKU!!!!" Hollering Wufei runs out of the arena and disappears for a moment, leaving a very confused Mr. Worf standing in the middle of the arena. Luckily he doesn't have to stand there confused for long, because suddenly a freaking HUGE robot-like machine appears from outside of the arena and stomps into it.
Mr. Worf looks about as stunned as a Klingon can look.
"My name is Chang Wufei," Wufei announces all over again from inside the cockpit of his precious Nataku. "And I will show you justice!!" He fires his Gundam's Dragon Arm, but kinda misses the stunned Mr. Worf on purpose and instead crashes it into the stands, sending Duo Maxwell and screaming fangirls running for their lives. Smirking he turns back to Mr. Worf, only to find that the man has literally dematerialized. Wufei blinks. Mr. Worf is no longer there.
"Kisama!" he shouts. "Come back and fight like a man!!"
It is about then that Worf does come back... in a squat Federation vessel. It is the USS Defiant. The Defiant fires some warning shots at Altron Gundam, causing it to rock with the blows. "Surrender!!" Worf demands.
"Never!!" Wufei returns. He shoots out his Dragon extendo Arm thingy. Amazingly enough the Dragon Arm hits the Defiant broadside, and sends the vessel into a quick tailspin before it rights it's self.
"SIR!!!" some unknown Federation lackey shouts from onboard the Defiant. "That thing has penetrated our shields!!"
"We should cloak!" another shouts.
Mr. Worf is gritting his teeth. "That would be dishonorable!" he declares. "We shall face him in battle!!"
Altron gundam rounds about and hits the Defiant again with a cool round off side kick. The Defiant goes flying again.
"Hull integrity at 40%!!!" Somebody shouts.
"Weapons are off line!" Someone else hollers.
"Well get them back ON line!!!" Mr. Worf grits his teeth more and hits his com badge. "Engineering! We need more shields!!"
"I can't do it captain!!" Comes the reply. "I don't have the power!!"
"Well *get* some!!!" Mr. Worf shouts. For a micro second he sits there and wonders vaguely who exactly *that* was, then turns his attention back to the problem at hand.
"Sir!" Another shout. "Weapons are back on line!"
"Man torpedoes!!" Worf returns. Suddenly he realizes that the big robot thing on his main screen has what looks like a huge glowing stick in its huge robot hand.
"FIRE!!!" he shouts just as the big glowing stick comes forward. They hit each other at the same time. Big huge explosions ensue.
When everything clears the Defiant has a huge gapping hole in its side and is leaking plasma, and likewise Altron has a missing arm and basically is in pretty rough shape. Wufei looks like he about to either cry or get seriously pissed. "You!" he sputters, bringing up Altron's uninjured arm.
Likewise Worf is upset as well. "Weapon status!" he shouts.
"We have phasers!!" someone shouts.
"Prepare to fire!" Worf growls.
"Sir!" Another person shouts. "If we do that our warp core might breach!!" (Okay, not related, but, hey! It's Star Trek! ^_^)
"I will take the risk!" Worf returns. "Today *is* a good day to die!"
Wufei isn't in much better shape. "Nataku, lend me your strength..." he rasps. Engaging his console, he prepares to fire the arm, knowing that it might very well cause Altron to activate it's self-destruct... and if the two of them attacked each other it would mean certain death...
"STOOPPPP!!!"
... Two little shuttle pods in cahoots with each other containing both Jadzia Dax and Meilan show up between the two. (Don't ask me how they got there or how they met, they just did. >_<) Both men stare incredulously.
Ignoring the fact that they are both *dead*, Jadzia and Meilan (and it *is* spelt Meilan, not Meiran, ask any ethnic Chinese friends you have) are upset at their former Husband's awful displays. They take turn yelling at their respective men.
"DEAR!" Jadzia Dax yells at her husband. "This is no way to solve your problems! You're attacking an innocent boy! You ought to be ashamed of yourself!!!"
Worf cringes.
Jadzia perks up incredibly. "But that's okay. I'll forgive you. Hey, dear, how 'bout we forget about all this and go vacation on Risa?"
Worf cringes even more. He hates 'the pleasure planet' Risa. "Jadzia..." he begins to complain.
Jadzia pouts. "Awe, come on Worf! You haven't seen me in years!"
Worf grits his teeth and finally relents, seeing as he is very happy that Dax is apparently okay and well. Happily, the Defiant limps off with Jadzia's pod in tow.
Meanwhile, Meilan only has to say one word. "WEAKLING!!!"
Wufei glares. "Stupid WOMAN!" he returns. "I am NOT a weakling! If I were a weakling I would be happily reading a book right now, not fighting a stupid WAR!!"
Meilan snorts. "If I hadn't DIED you would be!!"
"What is your *point* WOMAN??!"
"You are weak!! You named your Gundam after me because *I* was the strong one!"
"You are wrong!!"
"I am RIGHT..."
"You are... Meilan?"
"Yes?"
"It is good to see you again." Chang Wufei says formally.
Meilan smirks. "Yes."
And the shuttle pod containing "Nataku" and "Nataku" limps off in the other direction.
~~~
Final Score: Wufei: +1 wife, Mr. Worf: +1 wife.
The End! No wait...
Meanwhile in a totally different time of space, a certain Relena
Peacecraft is presently *not* dressed in very much clothing and
is making huuuge oggily eyes at a certain (young) James T. Kirk.
"I have looked all over for you, my hero!!" she
declares swooning in his arms.
A very suave James T. Kirk catches her midfall. "I... will protect you... my darling..."
"Ohhh, Kirk..."
There is the tell tale sound of the old
Enterprise's doors swishing open and a just as tell tale click.
Horrified, both turn to look at the door to find a Heero standing
there, a gun leveled at James T. Kirk's head, expression deadly.
An eyebrow twitches. "Omae o koroso." Heero announces.
~~~
<<Stay tuned!!! Hey maybe next time I can do a Heero vs Kirk...? Or not... *ducks as tomatoes and other fruit and veggies are tossed at her...* >_< *giggle*>>
~~~
The End! (For real this time! ^_^)